What you heal within yourself, you heal for your whole family line

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What you heal within yourself, you heal for your whole family line | Mary Shields PhD.

Painting by Jeremy Enecio

So many of my students and clients talk about themselves as the scapegoat, the cuckoo in the nest, or some way in which they feel like they are outliers in their own family systems.

For them, this role has created deep pain.  Most often, healing that pain is a big part of their full healing, whether they come to me for a physical issue or an emotional/spiritual issue or both.

What happens next in the healing process amazes them (and me): The entire family system shifts dramatically and receives healing as well. Really.

The dream of all your ancestors

Bert Hellinger, founder of Family Constellations, writes of those who are the “outliers” of the family: “You are the dream of all your ancestors.”

I see this over and over again when I work with Mending Webs: Those in this role are the ones who help the entire system to change.

As Hellinger writes, they are the ones who release the entire family tree of repetitive issues and stories that have been present for generations.

In the Mending Webs classes, I teach tools to work both with the roles people play in the family system and the system as a whole.

When we work directly with the person, it often accelerates their own healing dramatically – and it always inevitably affects the whole family system in some way.

When you are able to work directly with the family system, even one session can change the whole system.

And finally, when you are able to work with the primary webs that each person carries (the core aspects that makes up the person’s sense of self – the “I Am”), it has a direct impact on anyone alive throughout the system.

Most family systems exhibit some dysfunction somewhere.  Mending Webs is one of the best tools I know for addressing those dysfunctions in a way that not only heals the person with whom you work, but also heals generationally.  It’s powerful work!

Over and over again, I find the saying to be true: “What you heal within yourself, you heal for your whole family line.”

There is still time!

If you are a family member in one of these roles, a webkeeper (the person who heads up the family system), a therapist who works with (or would like to work with) family and group dynamics, I hope you will consider joining me for the upcoming Mending Webs online class. Learn more here. 

If you have questions, please fill out this form and we can talk more about it!

And if you can’t make it, I have a few spots open for new clients.  Read more here.

With love and gratitude,

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Showing 12 comments
  • Tatiana

    I want to know more

    • Mary Shields

      Thanks, Tatiana! I’m soon going to offer the Mending Webs course online. If you sign up fo my newsletter, I’ll be talking a lot about it. It would be great to have you join us!

      • Alex Mitchell

        Will you do a zoon group

        • Mary Shields

          Hi Alex! I will be bringing in a new cohort later this year, and it will be on Zoom. Would you like to be on my newsletter to get word when I get it scheduled? We just focused on ancestral web work in my current class, and it was so powerful!

  • Justin shields

    What you heal within yourself you heal for your whole family line is one hell of a powerful statement.
    Thank you.
    And we share a last name. It means shed or temporarily shelter. To which I extend to define as nomadic. Or capable of travel. Happens to ring true for the shields in my family.

    • Mary Shields

      Thank you for your comment! It is truly a powerful statement! I plan to offer the Mending Webs course as an online course very soon!

      So nice to hear from someone with the same last name. I hadn’t seen that meaning for Shields, and I love it! I just wrote on sheltering in place in my latest blog post, and I love that connection! Yes, many of my family, including myself, love to travel. My great grandfather moved all over the country. When I saw him last at age 96 (living in assisted living), he was talking about needing to move — he had been in one place for too long. Nomadic certainly described his ethos. 🙂 Thanks for writing, and many blessings.

  • Janis

    I find it fascinating that I went online to search for this image and I landed on your page… Wow! I love what you wrote here and now I’m interested in learning more!

    • Mary Shields

      Janis, I’m so happy you found your way here! It turns out that your timing is impeccable! I’m just about to offer Mending Webs as an online course. If you sign up for my newsletter, that will keep you in the loop.

  • Rafael Castro

    Me 2 like Janis,I went online to search for this image and landed on your page…
    Thank’s for writing.

    • Mary Shields

      Hi Rafael. So glad you found it! I’m going to be bringing in a new cohort for Mending Webs later this year. Please either check back, or sign up for my newsletter, and you’ll get word. This ancestral work is so powerful.

  • Rikka

    So if your family’s trauma is passed down from a long dead great-great grandparent… it’s still possible to heal it through yourself?

    • Mary Shields

      Great question, Rikka! Yes, I do this sort of healing with people a lot; it’s extremely powerful. That’s one of the reasons I developed the Mending Webs course (where I teach people to do this kind of healing work with others). You can be free, not only of the trauma, but the patterns of behavior, etc., that came out of that trauma.

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